Living with Intention
3 min read
Happy November!
At the start of each month this year, I've been renewing my commitment to my new year's resolution by setting an intention of how I will practice it that month. This year, I resolved to become an active listener in all aspects of my life. With my profession as a frontline fundraiser and a podcast host, I find ease in listening intently to and connecting with my audience, but I sometimes have difficulty practicing this in my personal life. During a phone conversation last year, a trusted friend called me out on not being a good listener. It stung to be told this, but upon further reflection and observing myself; I saw the truth in my friend's feedback. I talked more than I listened. My focus was not always on the people I was conversing with or their perspectives but on my own. I often fixated on what I would say next or how I would jump back into the conversation.
Listening is an action. It should be treated as an active process — not a passive one. Active listening is listening to hear and understand (not respond). It is about being present, showing genuine interest, and engaging in the interaction. In the words of my sage baba (dad), "For those who cannot bear to hear, nothing of value will be told." Practicing listening is also part of embodying my identity as a Finah, a lineage of storytellers, oral poets, and historians of the Mande languages originating in West Africa. I descend from 28 generations of the Finah. Finahs are tasked with preserving the culture and relaying the most difficult parts of society. To be a great Finah is to be a great listener. I am always reminded of my grandaunt’s, Kulako, refrain "To be a Finah is to lower your voice so you can hear the voice of the people." In other words, be quick to listen and slow to speak. When I listen deeply, I can approach conversations with humility and patience to reach below the surface to pluck out the essence of what is being said and to ultimately express understanding and care, and make the person opening up to me feel seen. By practicing active listening in my personal life, I can become a great Finah like my baba, my grandaunt Kulako and the Finahs passed. Thus, my intention this month is to listen with all my senses, come with no agenda and wait for the other person to finish speaking before speaking.
I want to encourage you to declare an intention for November—a state of being you want to work on all month long. Intentionality is an intimate and recurring dialogue between ourselves and our lives. When we put intentionality around how we want to show up in our lives, we bring our aspirations to the forefront of our minds and invite awareness and guidance into our daily routines. We allow ourselves the agency to empower ourselves and not wait for life to empower us.
Ask yourself, what is something that needs polishing within me right now? It could be a feeling you want to cultivate, an ability you wish to strengthen, a perspective, an assumption, or something from your past you want to let go of. Be honest with yourself and non-judgemental about a possible area of growth or the way you want to show up in your life. Also, ask yourself what barriers keep me from showing up in my life this way? This question helps you anticipate what might prevent you from acting on your intention. And once you’ve identified potential barriers, brainstorm ways to mitigate or overcome them. Whatever your answers to these questions may be, write them down. This exercise orients us to learning and growing. We may not hit our intention perfectly and experience occasional lapses, but with a greater understanding of our intentions and the barriers, we can return to the practice with love and compassion for ourselves.
I hope November is good to you.
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