Choice is a Funny Thing
2 min
Last Sunday morning, my mom, Baba (dad), two younger brothers, and I packed into a minivan and headed north to Massachusetts to gather with our family to celebrate my late grandmother. It was the first time in ages the five of us had been in the same car heading to the same place. I was tired and tried to doze off, but silence in a car full of chatty Kamaras was not an option. Lively conversations are our family's norm.
At one point during the car ride, my brother began to talk about the state of his life. Although I was proud to hear him finally take accountability for his actions and inactions, the self-blame and regret in his voice stung. Baba must have also felt it because he chimed in, saying, "Choice is a funny thing. It is limited by what you know." My ears perked up to catch the wisdom being shared. For a good forty-five minutes, the five of us conversed about the meaning of choice and the impact of our decisions. This conversation inspired me to write this piece.
Choice is often seen as the ultimate expression of freedom, the power to shape our own destinies. But as Baba wisely said, it is also limited by what we know, confined within the boundaries of our experiences, knowledge, and perceptions. This limitation means that sometimes, despite our best efforts and intentions, our decisions don't always lead to the outcomes we desire. And that's okay.
Looking back on our decisions, it’s easy to fall into self-blame. We might think we made a critical mistake or failed to act decisively. But it's important to remember that we can only make choices based on the information we have at the time. We can only make the perfect decision in hindsight.
When you feel that sting of regret or doubt, take a moment to reflect. Be curious about the source of these feelings. What was it about that decision that seemed right at the time? Why do you feel it didn't turn out as you hoped? Asking these questions will make you conscious of emotions, their sources, and how they are formed. With this awareness, you gift yourself the possibility to create new meaning, prepare yourself for future decisions, and have agency over your life.
However, if the reason for your feelings isn't immediately obvious, don't be too hard on yourself. Not every decision leads to success; sometimes, it's just a matter of timing or perspective. You can't make the right call every time, and that's part of life's complexity.
So, don't beat yourself up. Recognize the limits of your knowledge and accept that not all decisions will be perfect. By doing so, you allow yourself the grace to learn from each experience without being weighed down by regret. And remember, no amount of regret changes the past; no amount of anxiety changes the future, but any amount of gratitude changes the present.
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